


One More Shot

by LondonGypsy



Category: Kane (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Boys Kissing, Break Up, Chance Meetings, Cheating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Infidelity, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Schmoop, Sexual Content, Sexy Times, True Love, lots of talking, the boys being who they are - stubborn and silly, the boys have a real need for some good talking, will they ever learn?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-29 05:31:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3884221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LondonGypsy/pseuds/LondonGypsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What are the chances to run into the man you once loved?<br/>In a city neither of you live in?<br/>Pretty thin, you think.<br/>Well, here they are, not having seen each other, not having talked, in three long years.<br/>Can this chance meeting help them to find back to another?<br/>Or will things stay as they were?</p>
            </blockquote>





	One More Shot

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written these boys in THREE years.  
> This is dedicated to the wonderful [MutedByFear](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mutedbyfear/pseuds/mutedbyfear) and my darlin [SuperWhoLockGypsy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperWhoLockGypsy/pseuds/SuperWhoLockGypsy)  
> I love you.  
> Thank you for the inspiration, the continued butt kicking and of course for the quick and thorough beta!  
> Also thanks to Eric Griffin (and other fans) who posted [that video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYB0VRfSH8I) \- without him this would've never happened =)
> 
> Edit: There's (finally) the sequel: [More Than I Deserve](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5868544)

 

 

Steve was wrestling with his guitar case, his travel-bag and his phone when he ran into somebody.

"Sorry, sorry," he muttered absently, then cursed loudly as his phone slipped through his fingers.

Before it could drop on the floor, a hand shot out and grabbed it.

He sighed relieved.

"Thank you, that would-"

Looking up the words died on his lips and a sharp pang shot through his stomach.

A pair of steel blue eyes under a mop of messy dark curls met his. An insecure smile that made Steve's heart stop for a second.

"Hi Steve."

He froze, palms suddenly cold and sweaty.

"Christian."

They stared at each other, equally shocked and speechless.

Christian fiddled with the phone in his hand, his gaze flicking back and forth between Steve's face and the phone. 

"Been a while, huh?" Christian mumbled, his accent thick as molasses.

Steve's blood seemed to be replaced by ice water.

He nodded.

"Yeah."

"I didn't know you'd be here," Christian said, shuffling out of the way of a few people pushing past them.

"Neither did I," Steve croaked, pressing his guitar case closer to his chest.

Christian cocked his head, crinkles appearing around his eyes, a brief smirk dancing over his face.

"That you'd be here, or me?"

"You."

"Ah."

The noises around them were muffled and Steve had time to notice all the small things that had changed since he last saw the other man.

Christian's hair was short, shortest he'd ever seen it in years and yet it still tried to escape the hat he'd slapped haphazardly on his head. There were new lines and wrinkles on his weathered face and he looked tired.

Steve couldn't think of a single thing to say, the awkward tension between them building with every second.

His phone, still in Christian's hand, saved him.

Christian flinched and held it out to Steve who noticed how Christian's lips pressed tight as he saw the name on the screen.

"Gotta take this," Steve murmured and took it, carefully avoiding touching Christian.

Christian only nodded and as Steve moved away from him, he felt his eyes on the back of his neck.

"Hey Hon'," he said, juggling his bags until he gave up and dropped them on the floor.

"Hey babe, how are things going?"

Steve couldn't help the warmth spreading through his numb limbs at the sound of his wife's voice.

"Tired," he smiled, relaxing a bit, "just arrived."

"Get some sleep then."

"Easier said than done," he replied, hesitating a moment before he blurted out, "Christian’s here."

Lana inhaled sharply and Steve imagined her sitting up straighter.

"Have you talked to him?"

"I ran into him."

"That's not what I-"

"A few words. It was terrible. And he's watching me right now."

"Talk to him. Here's your chance, Steve, go and take it."

He sighed deeply.

"I don't know whether or not I want that."

She made a disapproving sound.

"Steve, you and he have a history and as much as you would want that, it's not going away any time soon. This is the perfect opportunity to talk to him on neutral ground. Clear whatever it was that tore you two apart."

"It's been too long, might be too late at all," he said.

"Darling, it's never too late to say sorry."

Anger surged through him but Lana had anticipated it; she knew him too well.

"Hush, I didn't say _you_ have to say sorry. But maybe it's a change to _listen_. Let him explain. Give it a try. You miss him, maybe it can be a new start."

"I doubt that," Steve muttered weakly.

"You never know," she said, "jump over your stubborn shadow and give the man a chance, hm?"

"I'll see."

It was all he could muster up but it made her smile; he could hear that even through the trans-atlantic line.

"That's my boy. Okay, husband, I've got to get going, work isn't waiting."

Despite himself he grinned.

"Well, then you better get a move on, wife."

"Call me later."

"I will. Bye."

He hung up, still smiling as he pushed the phone in his pocket. They've been married for only a short time so being called husband still sent a thrill through his veins.

Taking up his bags again, he resisted looking back - he knew Christian was still watching him. But IF he took Lana's advice and talked to him, he needed a plan. And some rest first.

From what it seemed Christian would be here all weekend so there was more than enough time to run into each other again. He had a feeling Christian would be looking for him anyways.

Straightening his back he walked towards the reception to inquire about his room.

*

Christian was still standing in the same spot, feeling the invisible weight of Steve's phone in his hand.

He was shocked to the bone, he hadn't known that Steve was here.

He hadn't expected it to hit him like it did.

It'd been almost three years since he last saw him, let alone talked to him.

They just lost touch after the 'incident'. And even though Christian never actively avoided the other man he did not he try to stay in touch.

It had been too hard, too awkward, too painful.

They had met once or twice at one of their mutual friends' but Steve had given him the cold shoulder which had driven them further apart. Quickly their friends had noticed and made sure they didn't meet again - always invited only one of them.

Christian sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

Even after all these years he felt the harsh sting in his heart thinking back to their time together: as a band, as friends, as lovers.

They've always had had their ups and down, they had fought like crazy but always found their way back to one another.

Not that last time.

They had tried and they had failed. They were too different and there had been no way to fix what was done.

Simple as that.

They went their separate ways, and Christian had tried to make the best of it. 

He had worked on his acting career, filmed here and there, and for a while it had been fun, had filled the hole in his chest. 

But he missed the music, missed the high that only a gig could give him. 

Accepting the occasional offer from small, sometimes fan-run, conventions, he'd slowly tried to get that back.

Since the band didn't exist anymore, he had asked friends to join him. Hank, Riley, Brian, Jonah, they were good but they weren't Steve.

He had realized that early on and as much as he missed being on stage, it wasn't the same.

So he tried to keep gigs to a minimum. Every now and then Eric called him or sent him an email with an offer. Most times he declined.

Not this time though.

He loved London, loved the business and diversity of the city, the buzz and the noise.

And so he had agreed to play here, smiling a bit at Eric's enthusiasm.

His manager knew that Christian's European fanbase was still there, waiting for him to come back across the pond and so he had set the wheels in motion.

He had secured a gig in Camden, and even though Christian saw a few disappointed tweets and posts about it being very short notice, most fans were happy that he hadn't forgotten them.

While he had packed, Eric had called, asked how he felt about adding an appearance at an annual film and television con. It was only a small spot, Eric added, nothing big but Christian had eagerly agreed.

It would be a good opportunity to advertise the new show a little. After a few hasty emails with Dean and John, they assured him it'd be fine and had sent him a thick folder full of material.

Eric and he had arrived yesterday even though the convention didn't start until tomorrow, and the gig was next week.

"To have a bit of downtime," Eric had grinned, "you've been working too much lately; you need a vacation."

Christian didn't complain.

And here he was now, standing in the lobby of his hotel, staring after his former best friend.

His now married ex-lover.

A heavy hand on his back tore him out of his musings.

"Come on, man, I've made a reservation for lunch," Eric said, appearing at his side, smiling broadly.

Christian nodded and followed him out into the sunny London evening.

*

Steve stumbled into his room, dropping his bags by the door and instantly fell onto the bed.

Jetlag was getting to him more and more over the years, reminding him that he wasn't getting younger.

Seeing Christian didn't help his foul mood at all.

He hadn't actually kept track of Christian's projects, but with most of their friends being friends with Christian as well, he couldn't help but hear what he was up to.

He should've known that there was the possibility of running into him here.

Maybe he had, maybe his subconscious had just ignored it.

It didn't matter now.

Seeing him, talking to him - as little as it was - had brought back too many memories, ripped open old wounds.

Lana's phone call had distracted him from it but now that he was alone in his room, the memories flooded back, threatening to overwhelm him.

Cursing vividly he dragged himself up and over to the mini bar.

It wouldn't help to forget but maybe it'd help him sleep.

 

It didn't. Two hours later he sat up, wrecked yet unable to sleep.

Outside the sun was setting, casting the room in an orange light.

His grumbling stomach made him get up, and after a quick shower he wandered down the hall in search of some food.

The hotel restaurant was buzzing with people, barely a spot left.

He pondered for a moment and then decided to eat out, somewhere in London.

The city was full of nice pubs and restaurants, and there were fewer chances to run into someone he didn't want to run into again just yet.

Having a stroll through the city, clearing his head seemed like a good idea.

Slipping into his jacket he stepped out into the warm evening.

It was rare to have such great weather - almost every time he had been here the weather had been terrible, rainy and cold so this was a pleasant surprise.

A smile flickered over his face as he wandered down the street, the sound of pure Britishness around him.

 

He arrived back at the hotel a few hours later, full of fish and chips and oddly refreshed. On a whim he decided to have a drink in the cozy bar next to the hotel's restaurant.

The room was well frequented even at this hour but he found a free spot by the fireplace.

He wandered over, setting his drink on a small table next to the comfortable looking armchair and flopped down in it, sighing contently.

He slowly sipped his drink, the constant buzz of the room around him lulling him in, so he was startled as a dark voice drifted into his ears.

"You mind...?"

Steve blinked stupidly at Christian, standing behind the opposite chair, his hands gripping tightly onto its frame.

Instinct told Steve to deny, he wasn't prepared yet, hadn't actually thought about him these past hours, had pushed every memory back into the corners of his mind.

And yet he stayed put, staring at the other man in numb shock.

"I can leave, I didn't mean to intrude."

It took Steve a moment to realize Christian was talking, now gesturing at the free seat, his brows drawn together.

And suddenly Steve had enough, felt exhaustion wash over him and he shrugged tiredly.

"It's a free country."

Christian sat down, fiddling with his own glass.

"Didn't think I'd see you here," he said into the heavy silence.

Steve shrugged again.

"Favor for a friend," he muttered, staring into the fire, overly aware of Christian's gaze on him.

"Ah."

Then, much more quietly:

"It's good to see you."

Steve's fingers clenched hard around the glass in his hand and he quickly set it down, the melted ice cubes tingling softly.

He shook his head, curling his hands into fists.

"Don't," he murmured.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Christian flinch, instantly understanding the meaning.

"Sorry."

They fell quiet again, the hissing of the burning fire and the murmur of conversation around them the only sounds.

"Want another?"

Christian's voice startled Steve again and as he looked up, Christian pointed at the empty tumbler on the table next to him.

Steve's eyes flickered from his hand to his face; it was nothing he could've prevented even if he'd tried.

And there it was, the half-smile he could never resist, insecure and questioning.

He nodded weakly.

"Be right back," was the answer and Steve watched him vanish towards the bar.

He took a deep breath, relaxing his fists.

He was a grown man, he could deal with this.

Time had passed, surely they were able to have a quick chat over a drink.

The clink of the glass set down by his side brought his attention back to the other man, sitting back down in the other chair, raising his glass towards him.

Steve took up his and mirrored him, taking a drink.

Whiskey, of course; Christian knew him well.

It was different from what he had ordered earlier, much smoother on his tongue, smoky and rich in taste and as he swallowed it left a pleasant burn in his veins.

"They don't have the good stuff on the menu," Christian said, interpreting Steve's surprised expression correctly.

Just like he'd always done.

"Thanks," Steve muttered, relishing another sip.

The tension between them was the same, the air thick with unspoken things but for once Steve didn't care. He was too tired, and frankly, too tipsy to be bothered.

The bar had emptied and only a few people were still around, talking quietly, the fire dying down and he felt as if he was floating in a bubble, safe and secure.

It felt nice. Even with Christian watching him silently.

"Congratulations on your marriage," he said after a while, almost sounding genuine.

"Thanks."

Steve hadn't invited Christian.

He'd told himself, since it had been such a short notice wedding, the other man wouldn't have found the time for it anyways.

"I saw some of the photos," Christian murmured, "you make a nice couple."

Steve could hear the hurt in the other man's voice but ignored it.

Small talk yes, but he wasn't ready for anything else.

"And what are you up to these days?" he asked instead, glancing over at Christian who watched him with those intense blue eyes.

He stared for another too long second before he visibly collected himself, leaning back in the chair.

"Working mostly," he said, "gotten some great projects. Finished one a few months ago, the next isn't going to start until next year. Which is good, the new show got picked up for another season, so we'll start shooting that soon."

Steve nodded, noticing the lack of music projects but didn't say anything.

"Sounds like you've kept busy then."

He hesitated but the whiskey made his mind slow, the heat from the fire pleasantly warming his stiff limbs.

"Saw one or two episodes of that show," he admitted, not looking up, "was... good."

Christian snickered, and it chased a hot shiver down Steve's neck.

"Thanks man, it was fun to shoot that. In Portland, no less. Was almost like coming home. Had way too many Voodoo Doughnuts for Dean's liking but hey, those things are-"

"-evil, yes I remember," Steve finished, smiling softly at the memories of many post-gig runs at one of their stores in the middle of the night, still high on adrenaline and too much alcohol.

"I tried to get them out in Texas," Steve mused, "but they don't do deliveries that far away. Mom's trying to get them whenever we visit though."

Christian stiffened at the 'we' but smiled nevertheless.

"How _is_ Sandy?"

"She's doing great, she and Dad just bought a house by the ocean. For the dogs, she insists. Not that anybody believes it."

"What? Sandy lying? I can't believe that, she's the most honest person in the world."

Steve grinned, shaking his head.

"Dude, you should've seen her face when she tried to convince Dad that the dogs need the ocean to be happy. It was hilarious, she had trained Cody to whine every time she mentioned it."

Christian laughed, his eyes sparkled and the soft glow of the fire erased the deep lines on his face.

He looked so very young, and absolutely carefree as if the past years had just fallen off of him, revealing the young man Steve fell for so many years ago.

"You okay, Steve?"

Steve realized that he was staring at the other man. He tore his gaze away, emptying his drink.

"Yeah man, 'm fine. Tired, that's all."

Christian narrowed his eyes and Steve sensed that he wanted to say something.

He waited but then Christian imperceptibly shook his head.

"Jetlag's a bitch, huh?"

"Yes."

A pregnant silence fell and just as Steve wanted to get up because he couldn’t bear it any more, Christian asked:

"What happened with us, Steve?"

He sounded sad and confused and Steve gritted his teeth at the utter loneliness in the other man's tone.

Taking a deep breath, he fell back in the chair, rubbing his aching eyes.

"You know what happened, Kane."

Christian swallowed hard; Steve heard the dry click in his throat.

"No, I really don't."

Steve felt the old anger bubble up again, the burning rage but he willed it down.

"Yes you do. We've talked about this too many times. I can't go through this again," he said through gritted teeth, squeezing his lids shut.

"Steve, please, I still don't understand," Christian pleaded.

Steve glimpsed through his lashes.

Christian was slumped in his chair, staring intently at Steve as if his gaze could force him to talk, to explain-again.

"Fuck, Kane, are you really that stupid?" Steve's anger flared up again, "or do you just not _want_ to understand it?"

"Please-"

"No fucking 'please', Christian, I can't take this anymore. You fucked up, it's your fault, now live with the consequences."

He stood up, not able to stay in the other man's company any longer.

"Steve..."

Christian's soft voice rang in his ear until he reached his room. He slammed the door shut, not caring that it was late already.

Too many memories.

He stripped off his clothes and fell into bed, pulling the covers over him, trying to ignore the nagging voices in his head.

*

Christian stared into the dying fire, his thoughts whirling, for the millionth time trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong.

He'd been over this, he'd talked to too many people, he'd gone over every conversation he'd had in the past years and yet he still couldn’t see it.

One day it just all went down the drain and no matter how he had tried to fix it, it hadn't worked out.

After a while he had just moved on, tried to forget the past and concentrate on the future.

Steve hadn't talked to him anymore so he couldn't ask him. And yet, when the opportunity came tonight, he had tried, had hoped to put some of the things that went wrong back then right again.

He failed.

And yet, seeing Steve, talking to him, laughing together, it made him smile, warmed up the cold spot in his chest.

He had missed him every second since he left his life but he had soldiered on.

Every now and then he got word about Steve, heard of new projects through the grapevine or one of his friends mentioned it in passing.

Their mutual friends had adjusted surprisingly well. None of them were taking sides, they only made sure they didn't invite them both to the many get-togethers.

He had never asked but he assumed they all knew about them.

They had never openly come out as a couple, but they never had denied it either. Both of them weren't very fond of PDA so that had never been a problem. And if the occasional touch or kiss happened in a darkened kitchen or on a lonely porch, none of their friends had said anything.

Only once had they been 'caught' in a compromising situation.

Christian's face heated up as he thought back to the day when Jensen found them making out heavily in his wine cellar, shirts open, hands in each others pants.

Jensen had retreated rather loudly, effectively locking the door behind them to keep from further interruptions.

Christian hadn't been able to look Jensen in the eyes for quite a while. Steve had laughed so hard about his awkwardness and had mocked him for days.

Nevertheless, when it was over - when _they_ were over - Jensen had been the first to check on him.

Christian still didn't know how he found out but he had been grateful that he hadn't had to go through it alone. They went drinking that night, got positively smashed and Christian still had blank spots.

The band had kept in touch sporadically but soon it was clear that that part of his life was also over.

Without Steve it just didn't work. They tried, had played a gig without him. It was a disaster and they collectively agreed to just leave it.

Jason was the only one Christian still had contact with. He was the one that informed him, rather bluntly, that Steve had gotten engaged.

He had shown him pictures of Steve's soon-to-be wife. She was nothing like Christian, blonde and petite, with delicate features.

He'd gotten so drunk that night he couldn’t remember one minute of it. But he must've called Steve, leaving him a rather incoherent voicemail because the next day he'd gotten a text from Jensen, asking if he was alright.

Steve had never contacted him.

Christian found out about the wedding through Jensen a day after it had happened.

It numbed his mind and it took him a week to get back on track.

Resolutely he had pushed every single thought about the other man out of his mind and had dove head first into work.

It helped and after a while he'd forgotten that he'd ever been happy.

He had his own life now, and it wasn't too bad. He was content, and that was all he could ask for.

Seeing Steve here opened old wounds and he had the feeling his heart was bleeding silently in his chest.

For one blissful moment though it had felt like the old days - laughing with him without any of the pressure of their past had been wonderful.

Watching Steve leave left him numb again and for a moment he considered opening up the bottle of Jack Daniels that sat in his room.

But he had a panel to get through tomorrow and he knew he couldn't do that if he drank himself into a stupor right now.

Sighing he emptied his glass and stood, slowly walking to his room to get some sleep.

*

The next day flew by on silver wings.

Steve met up with the organizers of the convention and went through his schedule which took up all morning.

After lunch he’d got a few calls from friends, asking if he wanted to meet while he was there. He eagerly agreed, especially since they insisted on meeting him in town.

Anything to be as far away from Christian as possible.

He returned late and in high spirits: his friends had taken him out for dinner, drinks and a cabaret - it had been a wonderful evening and for a few hours he had forgotten everything.

Even Lana. He winced as he saw the four missed calls on his cell. Quickly he tried to calculate the time difference. It should be early morning. He wasn't really sure and since he didn't want to wake her, he only sent her a text, apologizing for not having answered her calls.

He didn't get a reply so she was probably still asleep.

Exhaling relieved that he didn't wake her, he wandered towards the bar.

"One of those not on the menu whiskey's," he ordered, slurring the words only a little bit.

The waiter eyed him curiously.

"I don't know what you mean, Sir," he said coolly, "we only have what _is_ on the menu."

Steve glared at him.

"I know you have-"

"He means the special '85, Darren."

Steve turned towards the voice; Christian smiled crookedly at him as he slid on the stool next to him.

"There's a reason it's not on the menu, you know," he said, nodding at the waiter, holding up two fingers.

Steve snorted and settled back, watching how the waiter retrieved a bottle from the depth of a shelf and poured two shots.

"One day I'll get fired because of you, Sir," the waiter said with a smile as he pushed the glasses over to them.

"No, you won't," Christian replied, sliding a few notes over the counter.

Steve was sure it was far too much for two simple whiskeys but as he wanted to pay for himself, Christian vehemently shook his head.

"These are on me, man."

Steve shrugged.

"Fine. Thanks. But don't think I'll owe you because you got me drunk."

Christian laughed, raising his glass.

"I wouldn't dare."

Steve pulled his own glass over but didn't take it up.

"Steve?"

Christian's voice had a curious tone to it.

Steve looked up at him and for the first time he actually saw.

Saw the man he once loved and who betrayed him beyond forgiveness.

Saw the pain, the confusion, the hope in his eyes as he waited for Steve to say something.

"I can't do this," Steve sighed, pushing the shot glass away and stood.

"Can't do what?" Christian asked.

"This," Steve said, waving a hand between them, "us. It's not working and you know it. I don't have anything to say to you and I can't pretend-"

"Stop," Christian reached out but flinched as Steve took a step back. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He scanned the bar and then stood, taking both glasses and motioned Steve to follow him.

"Please," he urged as Steve didn't move, "five minutes and then you can leave. I've got something to say to you."

He walked over to the fireplace, sitting down, waiting.

Steve stood there, torn between storming out and just staying where he was.

What could Christian possibly have to say to him? After all these years?

 _Whatever it is, you just don’t want to hear it, you never actually listened to him,_ said a soft voice in his head - he wasn't sure whether it was his own or Lana's.

He knew they were right though: he never let Christian explain, never even tried to understand what drove them apart.

'But he doesn't even know himself,' he argued, 'he said so himself.'

_Perhaps he knows now._

Steve snorted.

'That suddenly? I doubt that.'

_Then let him explain. Listen._

He cast another look at Christian, sitting by the fire, unusually calm, and Steve exhaled.

"Fuck it," he mumbled to himself and walked over, flopping into the chair.

"You've got five minutes, shoot," he said harshly, downing the content of his glass in one drink.

Christian's eyes widened but he nodded.

"Okay. I... well, I still don't really know what happened. No wait," he said quickly as Steve went to get up, scowling.

"I don't know but I am sorry. Whatever it was, it happened. I can't reverse it, can I?"

He paused, waiting for Steve to nod grumpily.

"See, I can't undo what's done. But I can apologize, right?"

Another pause, another sharp nod from Steve.

"So, I am sorry. Is there any way we can get past this? Try for a new start?"

Steve narrowed his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"A fresh start. Us, talking again, the occasional phone call, a meeting when we're in the same place. Being at the same party without making people uncomfortable. Just being friends again. Or trying to be."

He fell silent, letting Steve absorb his words.

Steve watched him, confused at the patience he saw. Christian had never been a patient man, always been hot-blooded and stubborn, known for his short fuse when things didn't go his way.

"What brought all his on?" Steve asked carefully.

Christian bit his lip, eyes darting all over the place.

"I miss you," he then whispered, "a lot. My... my girlfriend said I need to make things right again."

"You have a girlfriend?"

Steve was shocked, he hadn't known, none of their friends had mentioned that he was seeing anyone let alone someone who stuck around long enough to be a girlfriend.

But then again, none of his friends had talked about Christian much at all when he was around.

Christian nodded, a soft blush rising on his cheeks.

"For about two years now."

Steve gaped.

"I didn't know," he eventually said.

A brief smirk flashed over Christian's face, gone in a heartbeat again.

"How could you? But she, her name is Sofia, well, she said to me that there's nothing that can't be fixed if both sides can agree on that. If we both try... God, Steve, seeing you here, in London of all places, I... it was a shock."

"Tell me about it."

Their gaze met and suddenly the tension between them dissolved. They laughed, and for the first time in years Steve didn't feel anger towards the other man.

"I think that was the first time you've been absolutely honest with me," Steve said, reaching for his glass before he remembered that it was empty.

Christian held out his own, searching his eyes, smiling hesitantly.

Steve took it, smiling back.

"Sofia taught me a bit about honesty," Christian said as Steve gave back the glass, "made me realize what an ass I've been in the past. Still, ain't easy. Being honest, I mean. Especially with myself."

The last thing is murmured into the amber liquid as he emptied the glass, twirling it in his hands.

"You're doing just fine," Steve said, the smile on his face widening, "want another?” he pointed at the glass, “my treat this time."

Christian nodded and Steve stood, trudging towards the bar to order.

*

Christian fell head first into bed, not able to wipe the grin off his face, ignoring the glaring digits of the alarm clock, announcing that it was already 4 in the morning.

Tomorrow would be tough but it was worth it.

Steve and he had spent all night by the fireplace talking.

And not only small talk.

After Christian's confession Steve's reserve had melted like ice in the sun, and Christian almost felt like he'd gotten his best friend back.

By the end he had known everything he'd missed over the past years, from Steve's own misery about their break to him falling in love with Lana, his proposal and the wedding.

Christian had ignored the sharp sting in his heart every time Steve had mentioned his wife.

He himself had Sofia, a woman he admired and adored for her strength and her no-nonsense approach with him and his stubbornness.

Talking about her had made him miss her and he promised himself to call her tomorrow. Hearing her voice would distract him from the thoughts he had when Steve smiled at him, his blue eyes sparkling like diamonds.

He still wasn't over him. Probably never would be. There would always be feelings for the other man that would go beyond friendship.

But for the very first time he felt at peace with himself, or as close to peace as he could be.

And he had a feeling that Steve felt the same.

He had seen it in his smile, in the way he didn't flinch back anymore when he handed him another drink, fingers touching for a second too long.

There had been shared looks that made Christian's skin prickle and gentle smiles that took his breath away.

He didn't know how they went from not talking at all to trading stories neither of them had thought of in ages.

Maybe enough time had passed, maybe they’d eventually grown up, become responsible adults.

He didn't care, he was just glad they seemed to be on the same page again. Well, maybe not the same page but the same book. And after being so far apart for years, Christian was happy with that.

Sighing he rolled on his back, kicking off his shoes and wriggling out of his jeans and shirt, pulling the covers over him.

Sleep didn't want to come, his mind was still reeling and whenever he thought about the tiny smile on Steve's face when he had suggested having dinner after his panel tonight his heart jumped excitedly.

Finally he slipped into darkness, his dreams filled with Steve's shimmering eyes and the gentle touch of his hand on his arm when they said good night.

*

The next two days were hell.

Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

Nothing worked like it was supposed to work and the only time Steve and Christian saw each other was during breakfast.

But even there they didn't have time for more than a nod across tables.

Monday couldn't come soon enough - the convention would be over and they would be free.

Steve had already hinted that he might come to Christian's gig and Christian couldn't wait to ensure that he would really be there.

Monday came and went and as Christian fell into bed he hadn't seen Steve at all. Not even at breakfast. Which was odd, the man never started a day without breakfast. He could live without food for the entire day but he had to have his coffee and at least something sweet in the morning.

Christian scrambled for his phone, checking whether he'd sent him a text.

Nothing.

Instead there were a few texts from Sofia, random and sweet as always.

She knew he didn't always had his phone on him and she didn't worry if he stayed silent for a few days.

That's why they worked so great: she didn't demand, didn't push.

In the beginning he had wondered how she could stand it, could stand him, and one day he had asked her.

She had laughed and ruffled his hair.

"You can't tame something that doesn't want to be tamed. You can only let it adjust to you and hope for the best."

She had her own life when he wasn't home, working, meeting friends, living her life without him.

Whenever he was around though, she was there for him, a steady rock in a stormy sea, and he was grateful for her.

She was perfect in every way.

And yet Christian often felt like there was something missing.

Jensen had asked him once whether he wanted to marry her. He had stared at him for a good long minute before he had shrugged.

They had never touched upon that topic again.

He was still staring at his phone as another message came in.

Steve.

 _Sorry 'bout today, I had a thing they wanted me to be at. When does your gig start tomorrow_?

Christian suddenly felt much lighter around the heart and he quickly typed his answer back. Only later he realized that he might have seemed a bit too eager.

Fuck it, he thought, seamlessly slipping into sleep without even noticing.

*

Steve wandered into the still-empty venue, letting his gaze roam over the familiar interior. A lot of things had changed since he'd last been here but the small stage was still the same.

As was the man currently pushing around a stool before he started to fiddle with the microphone. He looked up, squinting into the dim room and then lifted a hand.

Steve walked over.

"Hi Eric, how are you doing?"

"Pretty good, thanks Carlson."

"Need any help with that?" Steve asked, pointing at the guitar still leaning against its case.

Eric waved him off.

"Nah, 'm almost done."

He clicked the microphone in its place and straightened his back, eyeing Steve closely.

"So," he said, clearing his throat, "you two are talking again, huh?"

Steve shrugged nonchalantly, trying to suppress a grin.

"Looks like it."

"About fucking time, he was pretty messed up. You've always kept him straight."

"Griffin!"

Eric rolled his eyes and grinned but backed away as Christian stomped on stage, carrying another guitar, glaring at him.

Steve smirked as Eric trudged off, muttering something under his breath.

"Sorry, he's a fucking blabber mouth."

He put the guitar down in a stand, awkwardly fumbling with its pegs.

Steve noticed something and clambered on the stage.

"Wait, is that-?"

"It's yours," Christian said quietly, letting go of it as Steve took it to inspect it.

Steve gave him a quizzical look.

"Well, I had hoped, since you're here and all, you could join me. One song or so. The people would love that. Surprise guest, something like that..."

Christian didn't look at him but Steve could see the blush on his face as he stumbled over the words.

"I'd love to," he said just as quietly, letting his hand slide over the strings of the battered instrument.

He'd never stopped making music but he had always missed something.

He had missed Christian, had missed his rambles on stage, had missed his dark voice, hell, even his drunkenness.

Having that again, even if it was only for one night, chased a hot shiver down his spine.

"Did you have anything particular in mind?" he asked, instinctively having started to tune the guitar. Christian had always been terrible at that, and it showed.

"Not really, no."

Steve hid his grin. He was lying, he knew exactly what he wanted but Steve let him get away with it.

"Just give me a heads up when you know then, 'kay?"

"Sure thing, man."

They both puzzled about a bit longer on stage, Steve tuning not only his but also Christian's guitar while Christian pushed the stool in the right position and made sure Steve got a drink.

After a while Eric appeared again, giving Christian the sign that the door would be opened.

"Wanna join me?," Christian asked, nodding towards the Green Room.

Steve hesitated for a second but then nodded.

Even though he was wearing a beanie and hadn't shaved in a while, Christian's fans were more or less also his fans and would probably recognize him.

He wasn't really in the mood for chit-chat so he followed Christian into the small backstage area.

Christian settled onto a couch, holding up a whiskey bottle.

Steve shook his head, wandering around the room.

"Later maybe."

Christian's brows rose but he nodded, putting the bottle down again, untouched.

Steve smirked to himself; so he didn't want to drink alone, that was a good sign. He'd always hated it when he had to cover up Christian's escapades.

Leaning against the doorway he peeked outside, watching how the place filled with people.

"You know," he mused, “there's always more people at your gigs than at mine."

"That's because I make myself rare," Christian teased, tossing his hat into a corner, running a hand through his hair.

"That you did," Steve muttered quietly under his breath.

"I'm sorry."

Steve turned, not sure he'd heard correctly.

Christian fiddled with the hem of his shirt, avoiding eye contact.

But as always he felt Steve's curious gaze on him.

"If I could turn back time and prevent what happened between us, I'd do it in a heartbeat."

He fell silent, smoothing down the front of his shirt now, his hands never standing still.

For a few second Steve got lost in the hypnotic motions before he pulled himself together.

"Listen," he said, stepping back from the door, sitting on the edge of the couch, "you apologized, I apologized, it's over and done with. I can't say I'll be all over you again, it'll take time to trust you again. But you know me, I'll get there eventually. Just let things go their way, 'kay? Don't try to force anything. Give it, give _me_ , time. Today might be the start of something new but don't read too much into it. One song, Kane, that's all you get for now."

Christian nodded solemnly.

"I understand."

Steve leaned over, laying a hand on Christian's shoulder.

"And that's all I need."

Christian's gaze flickered from Steve's hand to his face and back, and Steve smiled.

It was the first time that he had touched him with purpose and for a long long moment nothing else mattered.

Not their rocky past or the people out there nor their respective others.

For this very moment it was just them, two men, slowly finding their way back to one another.

"Kane?"

Eric poked his head through the doorway.

Christian slowly turned in his direction.

"It's time."

"Coming."

Steve let go of him and stood, letting the other man get up.

Christian exhaled, pushing his hair out of his face and squared his shoulders.

"Wish me luck?" he asked and the look on his face had Steve's heart stutter in his chest.

"Good luck," he murmured not able to take his eyes off of the other man.

They looked at each other for another long moment, overly aware that something had changed.

Whether it was the air, suddenly crackling with tension, or the way Christian's eyes seemed to see straight into Steve's heart, it prevented them both from moving.

"Go," Steve eventually breathed, taking a step back to let Christian through.

He walked past him, too close, and Steve could smell him, his aftershave and a hint of coffee.

It weakened his knees.

Christian was almost out the door as he turned again, smirking that ridiculously sexy smile at him.

" _One More Shot_ ," he said and winked before he vanished outside.

Steve snorted despite the shock still coursing through his system.

Of course, what else? he thought, sneaking into the doorway again to watch.

The fans were hyped up, cheering loudly as Christian took the stage, greeting them in typical _Kane_ style.

The next hour or so passed in a blur: Steve watched him give it all until Christian glanced over, knowing exactly that he was watching.

"How about I'll give this one over to a very dear friend of mine?" he asked into the audience.

Steve took his cue and stepped out onto the small stage, smiling blindly into the room.

The cheers were deafening and heart-warming and Steve knew instantly he would never forget tonight.

He couldn't see much; all he saw was Christian, beaming broadly at him and handing him his guitar.

"Still remember the lyrics?" he muttered over the noises of the fans, leaning closer than strictly necessary.

"I wrote them, remember? Hope _you_ haven't forgotten them," Steve teased back, wrapping the guitar strap over his shoulder.

Christian only glared at him, the amused line around his sparkling eyes making Steve giddy.

"Go on then," Steve grinned, hitting the first chords.

And just like that everything was forgotten: three years of doubt and anger and despair fell off him and he slipped so seamlessly back into his old role that it was a bit scary.

Following - and leading - Christian as he sang, the words easily falling from his lips, echoed back at them from the eager audience.

Kind of fitting, Steve thought, that Christian chose that particular song. It was his way of apologizing, a very Kane way to do so.

Smiling, he let himself be swept away by the music and Christian's voice.

The high of being on stage only got doubled by the deep blue looks Christian cast at him every now and then, dark and intense and full of a trust Steve hadn't seen before.

As the last notes faded away, drowned by the roaring applause, he had to swallow around a lump in his throat.

He took off the guitar and set it carefully in its stand, and before he knew it he was in Christian's arms, pressed tightly against his chest.

"Thank you, man, this means so much to me," Christian whispered in his ear, his breath ghosting warm over Steve's skin.

Steve stood still for a second, overwhelmed by Christian's warmth and sincerity but then he wrapped his arms around him and hugged him back.

He faintly heard the audience cheer even louder.

It was over too quickly but as he looked up, the smile on Christian's face was breath-taking and something in Steve crumbled and dissolved.

He didn't know how he got back backstage or how the drink came into his hand.

All he saw was that joyful expression on Christian's face, the lingering hand in his back and against his fingers.

"To us," Christian said, raising his glass.

Steve mechanically clinked his own to it and downed it in one gulp.

The alcohol burned warm in his chest but something else was burning much brighter.

Christian's eyes were on him, taking in every shuddery breath, every blink, every nervous attempt to bury the upwelling feelings he had ignored for far too long.

The glass was taken from his shaky hands and then Christian was in his personal space.

Too close, too warm, too real.

Steve inhaled shakily and didn't move.

_Can't. Don't want to._

"Steve."

It was only a whisper, breathed into the too-small space between them.

His name, filled with the longing of a lifetime - at least it felt like it.

And just like that, Steve gave in.

Later he didn't know whether it was the adrenaline high, the booze, the heat of Christian's body, the yearning that had never really gone away.

It didn't matter.

Steve seized Christian's face, his palms burning against his equally heated cheeks.

Christian's eyes were wide and trusting and it took only one small motion to claim his plush lips, and dive into the heat of Christian's mouth.

Both men sighed, hands instantly finding their way onto each other's body.

Steve groaned softly as Christian pressed closer, kissing him back timidly even though his fingers curled desperately into his shirt.

"Chris," Steve murmured, sliding his hands deeper into Christian's short hair, relishing the coarseness he still remembered so well.

Christian moaned softly and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss, his tongue gentle against Steve's. He knew the other one was holding back, was being careful and suddenly Steve couldn't take it.

Couldn't take Christian's hesitance when he _knew_ he wanted nothing more than to ravish him, drown him in this one kiss, claim him and own him like he used to.

Threading his fingers tighter into Christian's hair, he pulled the man's head back, breathing heavily and searching Christian's dark eyes.

"No holding back," he said quietly, "we wasted three years. Don't make me regret this now."

It didn't really make sense to his own ears but Christian, wonderful clever Christian, understood.

With a low growl he pulled Steve close, instinctively catching him as he stumbled, and kissed him with a force that took Steve's breath away.

Steve let him, clung to his neck and got entirely lost in a kiss worth years of suppressed emotions.

He lost track of time and only as Christian broke the kiss, gasping for air, Steve realized that his nails were digging deep into the other man's skin.

Carefully he loosened his grip, searching his eyes, which were wide with want.

He licked his lips and Steve groaned quietly, resting his forehead against Christian's.

"God, I missed this," Christian muttered, releasing his grip on Steve's shirt to caress his back.

Steve's mind was whirling; the searing need coursing through his veins was driving him crazy.

"I missed _you_ ," Christian added, nipping at Steve's lower lip.

Steve moaned again, slowly becoming aware of the raging hard-on in his jeans.

He wriggled a bit but it only drew Christian's attention to it.

Raising a sarcastic eyebrow at him, one of his hands slid down Steve's back, over the swell of his ass and then over his hip.

As dazed as Steve was and as intoxicating as the feeling was, he had to stop him.

It was difficult but he managed to put one hand on Christian's, stilling his motion.

Christian made a disgruntled sound that made Steve giggle helplessly.

"Not here," he mumbled, sighing deeply as Christian managed to sneak a finger under his shirt, caressing his skin.

"Not here," Christian repeated, pushing the shirt aside to fully caress the sensitive skin just above Steve's hipbone.

"Chris, please."

Steve could barely think coherently but he knew one thing for sure.

"If we're going to do this," he gasped, trying to get away from Christian's tantalizing touch, "then I want to do it right. Not a quick fuck on a couch. I want you in bed."

Christian inhaled loudly and leaned back, his blue gaze almost black.

"If?" he asked and Steve remembered the tone.

He grinned, taking a step back, which was hard.

"When," he said, pulling his shirt back down.

Christian growled again, and for one lucid second Steve would've done _anything_ for him.

But now that he had put some space between them, he could think straight again.

"When we do this. Back at the hotel. My room. In two hours," Steve said roughly.

Christian would need to finish up here - Eric would get the paycheck and all but Christian still had some obligation to fulfil.

It would give Steve the time to organize a few things.

Christian instantly understood and with a defeated sigh he also stepped back, increasing the space between them.

"Okay," he said, exhaling loudly.

Steve had to tear himself away, the sight of Christian all hot and bothered was delightful.

"Hurry," he said and turned.

He quickly left through the back door, not looking back. He had about an hour to get what he needed - Christian had never been a patient man and Steve knew he would make sure to be finished with everything in record time.

Smiling to himself he stepped out into the night. He'd seen a _Tesco_ around the corner from the hotel, which hopefully had what they needed.

*

Christian nervously paced the hallway in front of Steve's hotel room. He had hurried as much as possible, which earned him some colourful new curses from Eric and a few curious glares as they arrived at the hotel. Christian had excused himself quickly and almost ran up to Steve's room.

Now he suddenly had doubts.

Was this the right thing to do?

Only an hour ago he had Steve back in his arms, kissing him, hearing the quiet little noises he always made.

And it had felt good. Too good to be true.

And besides all the issues this might create, there were still the women by their sides to consider.

Frustrated he rubbed a hand over his forehead, trying to shoo away all those confusing thoughts.

Since when was his conscience so rational? He used to be a straightforward guy, taking what he wanted regardless of the consequences.

 _You know why,_ the small voice in his head said.

Because he couldn't lose Steve - not again.

He was his everything, always had been and always would be.

And for once Christian _did_ think about the consequences this would bring.

Dwelling on those thoughts he didn't notice how the door to Steve's room opened and only the soft touch of a hand on his shoulder had him look up.

"Stop over-thinking," Steve said quietly, leading him into the dimly lit room.

He kicked the door closed and steered him towards the couch, pushing him down.

The expression on his face was somewhat serene and Christian watched in fascination as he smiled at him.

Steve handed him a glass with whiskey and sat next to him, legs crossed, his knees bumping against Christian's thigh.

Wordlessly he raised his glass, his open gaze bright blue on Christian.

They drank silently, and then Steve plucked the empty glass from his hand, setting it and his own aside before taking Christian's hands in his.

He smiled lopsidedly, entwining their fingers, squeezing.

"Having doubts?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Christian looked at him, trying to see whether Steve had any.

Because he himself sure had.

He shrugged.

"Yeah me too," Steve murmured, lifting their hands and kissed Christian's knuckles.

Christian swallowed hard, biting his lip.

"Want me to leave?" he asked, the hopeless tone in his voice made him cringe.

"No."

It came out instantly and Christian sighed in relief.

"But," Steve added, trying to smile reassuringly, "we need to talk first."

At any other time Christian would've just shut him up, kissed him senseless and made them both forget everything.

Not this time. He knew it wasn't as it had been before.

"I still want this," Steve said, "I still want you. More than anything. But we have to agree on something."

He waited for Christian's slight nod to continue.

"This is a one-time only deal."

He fell silent, letting Christian process what he said.

As Christian nodded again, Steve let go of his hands, sliding his palms lightly over Christian's thigh.

"We only have tonight. I’m married, you have a girlfriend. We are not throwing that away, understand?"

Christian's mouth went dry as Steve's hand slid higher and over his stomach, caressing him through the shirt.

He nodded.

"What we had? It's still there and will never go away. But we've moved on, have a new life now. We don't belong only to each other anymore. There are other people who we have to answer to. So this," he smirked briefly as Christian gasped at the gentle caress over his nipples, "will be our secret. Once the sun rises tomorrow morning, we go our separate ways, go back to the wife, to the girlfriend. We might cross paths again, keep this friendship alive but that will be it."

He put some emphasis on 'friendship', making sure Christian understood.

"Yes," he gasped as Steve's hand reached his neck, playing with the tips of his hair there.

"This will all will stay here," he gestured around the room, "and here," with that he laid his other hand on Christian's pounding heart, "okay?"

"Yes."

Instead of saying anything else, Steve smiled at him and pulled him into a searing kiss. His mouth was warm and soft, his tongue teasing as he slipped it past Christian's slack lips.

Both moaned into the kiss, and Christian suddenly couldn't stand the distance between them any longer.

He wrapped both arms around Steve and with a low groan he pulled him into his lap.

Steve easily settled into his hard embrace, never once breaking contact, his hands in Christian's hair.

His heavy weight, his unique scent and the quiet-yet-constant stream of sounds he made were oddly grounding for Christian, keeping him in the here and now.

He knew he had to relish every single second, every precious moment - it was the one and only time he would get this again.

"Just one night," Steve muttered against his lips, as if to remind himself.

"Just one night," Christian repeated hoarsely, closing his arms tighter around him and smiling as Steve growled lowly.

"But I'll make sure it'll be one you'll never forget," Christian murmured, diving into another heated kiss.

He felt himself harden in his jeans and as he carefully tilted his hips upwards he was rewarded with a soft whine from Steve.

"Chris" he whispered, "take me to bed."

Without another word Christian curled his hands around Steve's thighs, held him close and stood. He swayed at the weight but managed to stay on his feet.

It was only four steps to the bed.

He set Steve down who immediately fell back, gazing up at Christian through heavy lids.

Without taking his gaze away, Christian started to unbutton his shirt, a burning fire coursing through his veins, causing his fingers to tremble.

Steve watched him closely as he shed the shirt and started on the buttons of his jeans.

"God, I've forgotten how fucking gorgeous you are," Steve said huskily.

Christian felt the flush on his cheeks yet never looked away.

Having Steve watch him hungrily as he methodically stripped down made his knees weak and his hands clumsy.

His throbbing erection caught at the fabric of his jeans as he shoved them down and he barely suppressed the whimper that fell from his lips.

He took a deep breath, trying to steady his hammering heart.

Finally he was naked but as he went to kneel on the bed, Steve shook his head.

"Please, just... don't move. Let me look at you. God, Chris..."

Steve's eyes were burning on Christian's tingling skin and he would've felt uncomfortable if it wasn't for the deep affection he could see all over Steve's face.

Not moving he waited, goosebumps appearing on his skin.

He tried to hold out as long as possible but eventually he had enough.

"Steve, please," he whined, making Steve chuckle.

"Some things never change," he remarked, sitting up and curling his hands over Christian's hipbones. He pressed a sloppy kiss on his stomach, laughing against his skin at the rippling of the muscles.

"My turn," he mumbled.

In one fluid motion he stood and only a moment later, Christian was lying on the bed, watching how Steve's fingers danced over his shirt, teasingly playing with the hem.

He narrowed his eyes and made a disapproving noise, which made Steve laugh again.

"So impatient," he tutted.

Still smiling wickedly he slowly pulled the shirt over his head and pushed his jeans down.

Christian didn't move and barely breathed as he took in the man in front of him.

There had been a time when he had known every inch of his body.

Now he observed like it was the first time.

Fine bones and defined muscles under golden skin, pebbled nipples and a faint flush down his neck.

His tattoos in stark contrast with the lightness of his arms, his hands loosely curled into fists at his side. His erection jutting out against his belly, hard and flushed, and Christian's own twitched.

It made Steve grin, sly and predatory.

"Want to stare all night?" he asked, his voice a rough whisper.

Dazedly Christian shook his head, reaching out and within a heartbeat Steve was in his arms, his heated body causing him to hiss as it pressed against Christian's.

They kissed and kissed, drowning in each other, desperately holding on.

"What do you want?" Steve asked, biting gently at Christian's lower lip.

"You," was Christian instantaneous answer, which made Steve sigh and press closer to him, one hand sliding over his ass.

"Not what I meant," Steve muttered, kissing down Christian's neck.

Christian's mind had slowed down considerably since he'd entered the room so it took him a while to form a proper answer.

"Anything you want," he sighed into Steve's mouth back on his.

It made Steve moan loudly.

The pure need in that sound chased a full-on body shudder through Christian.

And suddenly he knew.

If - _when_ \- this was the last time he could be with the other man like this, he wanted to give him something he'd never given him before.

"Take me," he groaned, throwing his head back as Steve grazed his teeth over his collarbone, "make me yours tonight."

Steve's head shot up, searching his eyes.

The look of wonderment and awe in Steve's face knocked the air out of Christian's lungs and he had to close his eyes for a moment to not come undone right there.

"Are you sure?"

Christian nodded vehemently, treading his hands through Steve's disheveled hair, losing himself in the softness.

"As sure as I can be," he said, blinking his eyes open.

Instead of an answer Steve leaned down and claimed his mouth in a fierce kiss; Christian felt the overwhelming emotions in it, felt the boiling want in it.

"I'll be gentle," Steve promised, his voice breaking at those words.

Steve pushed him down and started kissing a trail down his chest. As he closed his lips hard around Christian's nipple, he cried out at the amazing feeling of it; hot and wet, Steve's tongue lazily circled around it, teasing him.

He felt his hands on his shoulders, pressing him deep into the mattress and keeping him from moving.

Christian felt as if his brain was short circuiting, flashes of light appeared behind his closed lids and jolts of pleasure shot through his body.

He could've come like this; he had always been overly sensitive, Steve knew that and used it to his advantage.

He keened loudly and Steve made a similar sound deep in his throat, which in turn had Christian shiver heavily underneath him.

"So responsive," Steve mumbled against his skin as he finally let go, giving Christian a moment to gasp for breath, trying to collect himself a little.

Sitting back on his haunches, Steve let his narrowed gaze run over Christian shaking body, his hand hovering only a fraction away from his skin - he could feel the heat permeating from it as he followed some invisible curves and lines only he could see.

"I could make you come like this, couldn't I?" he mused, dark eyes drilling into Christian's as he touched a finger to the hollow of his neck and slowly dragged it down.

Christian whined again, his hips involuntarily lifting from the bed as it wandered lower.

"Not once touching your cock? Only teasing you until you beg me to finish you."

Steve voice sounded absent as he ran his finger over the strong muscles in Christian's legs, smiling softly at the quivers following that touch.

"But where's the fun in that..."

Christian cried out as Steve suddenly closed his hand around his aching erection and stroked him hard.

The touch blew a fuse in Christian's mind and he instinctively moved, pushing into the tight circle of Steve's calloused hand.

But as soon as he felt the tingling of his approaching orgasm, Steve stopped and let go.

Christian whimpered, all nerves in his body singing loudly, drowning out even the rapid beat of his racing heart.

"Not yet," Steve muttered, leaning over to the nightstand and grabbed a small bottle of lube and a condom.

With practised ease he ripped it open, gritting his teeth as he rolled it on, then popped the lube open.

Pouring a generous amount on his right hand, he locked eyes with Christian again, who stared helplessly back.

He was panting, trying to get enough air in his lungs to not pass out from the absolute pleasure Steve's caresses caused in him. His entire body was buzzing, screaming for a touch.

Steve held his gaze as he closed his left hand around Christian's erection again, making him growl loudly.

A sly smile was playing over his lips as he slowly lowered his head, never once breaking eye contact.

As his lips closed around Christian, hot and wet and overwhelmingly familiar, Christian couldn't help but buck into Steve's mouth, making him choke a bit.

Pressing an arm over Christian's stomach to prevent him from pushing further, Steve settled between his legs, his slicked hand slowly crawling over the inside of Christian's thigh.

Setting a tortuously slowly rhythm that drove Christian mad within seconds, the fingers of his slicked hand brushed over Christian's balls, making him suck in a sharp breath.

Faintly Christian was grateful that Steve knew him so well, even after all those years.

He hadn't forgotten that Christian had never done this before, and he did his best to give him pleasure to distract from the discomfort as he slowly pushed one finger inside him.

Sucking him deeper, Steve stilled his hand, letting Christian adjust.

Inhaling through his nose Christian forced himself to relax, which wasn't too hard because Steve did something rather spectacular with his tongue that reduced Christian into a moaning mess.

He gazed down, surprised to find his own hands tangled in Steve's hair, and Steve watching him attentively.

It was the hottest and yet most endearing thing Christian had ever seen.

He opened his mouth, desperately trying to voice his feelings but no words came out. Instead he dug his hands deeper into the warm curls beneath his palms, gently moving his hips up and then pushed down, letting Steve wordlessly know that he was fine.

He was rewarded by the fleeting scrape of teeth over his cock, which made him arch into Steve, and a wink.

He wanted to glare at him but Steve pressed his finger deeper into him, brushing over his prostate and suddenly Christian felt as if he was dissolving.

Sparks shot through his body, every hair stood on end as Steve's finger moved inside him, thoroughly loosening that tight muscle.

Everything became a bit of a blur, Christian's reception narrowing down on Steve's wonderful mouth and his magical fingers.

He kept him on edge for so long that, when he pulled back, Christian whimpered unabashedly, not sure whether he was grateful or pained.

Before he could recover, Steve had slid up his body and kissed him passionately, deepening the daze Christian was in.

He barely noticed how he lined himself up and then slowly but surely pressed into him, murmuring nonsense against Christian's lips.

Once he was buried all the way inside, he stilled, one hand cupping Christian's face.

"Look at me, Chris."

His voice was rough and intense, and it chased another bone-crushing shudder through Christian.

He blinked and then Steve's deep blue eyes looked down at him, his messy hair surrounded his flustered face like a corona, the low lights catching in it.

"Look at me, darlin', watch me," Steve whispered as he started moving.

Slowly at first, just shallow thrusts, his belly rubbing tantalizingly over Christian's painfully throbbing hardness, teasing but never enough.

Steve's harsh pants, his breath on Christian's face, the look in his endlessly deep eyes and the faint slap of skin on skin, it all added to the incredible sensation of his thickness inside him, slick and hot.

And then Steve started moving more, still keeping it slow but directing each thrust against Christian's prostate, his shaking hands curling around Christian's shoulder, clinging to him like a life line.

Christian wrapped one shaky leg around Steve's hip and an arm around his neck, pulling his head down.

"Harder," he murmured into his ear, and now it was Steve's turn to groan helplessly.

His head dropped on Christian's shoulder as he sped up his thrusts, panting against Christian's sweaty skin.

He had lost track of time: everything was Steve: his smell, his breathy moans, quiet but heart-shattering in their intensity.

They moved together for an eternity - at least it felt like it.

He'd been held on edge for too long, teetered on the brink of orgasm since the moment Steve pushed inside him.

He arched up, almost pushing Steve off him and wrapped the other leg around his.

Steve took the hint. He pushed up on his elbows, circled his hips once and then started pounding fiercely into him, abandoning all sense of care.

Both were keening and gasping, fingers dug deep into sweaty skin, the obscene sounds of slicked flesh overly loud in their ears.

Christian's orgasm rolled over him like waves of the ocean, powerful and unstoppable.

All muscles locked down and he cried Steve's name, shooting his release between their heated bodies. Waves of pleasure rushed through him, causing him to tremble heavily and he couldn't stop the noises spilling from his lips even if he had wanted to.

Faintly he heard Steve muffle his own cry of relief as he came, bucking his hips almost painfully until he collapsed ungracefully on top of him, gasping heavily.

Lying there, boneless and wrecked, limbs entangled, Christian felt a sharp sting in his heart and he wrapped his arms tightly around Steve's heaving torso.

He pressed kisses on every spot he could reach, his hair, his forehead, his temple.

After a while Steve started twitching and with a sigh Christian let him go.

He whimpered as Steve pulled out of him carefully, feeling empty, but Steve instantly pressed a kiss on his skin, murmuring something about being right back.

Christian heard him scramble out of bed and then the sound of running water.

Moments later a warm cloth was wiped over Christian's stomach and he sighed contently.

He heard how Steve cleaned up himself and then the mattress dipped, the warm weight of Steve settling back next to him.

Christian was drowsy, his limbs were heavy and weightless at the same time and he realized that he was close to drifting off to sleep.

Steve's sweet chuckle made him hum lazily.

"It's still early," Steve's dark baritone whispered in his ear, "get some sleep."

Christian shook his head despite the heavy drag of welcomed rest.

"One night-," he muttered sleepily, trying to open his eyes.

"-has just started."

Christian yawned hard, and Steve laughed quietly. He pulled the covers over them, pushing the hair out of Christian's face.

"Wake me," he managed to say before sleep took over, Steve safely tucked against his side.

"Yes, Chris, I will."

*

Steve woke to a feather light touch on his arm. He smiled into the pillow.

Christian's finger slid over his tattoos, causing goosebumps as he traced the lines.

"I like the new one," he whispered into Steve's ear from behind, knowing full well that he was awake, “it's so you.”

He hummed contently as Christian's hand slid lower until he twined their fingers together, squeezing gently.

"Are you happy?" he asked after a long pause.

Steve frowned at the question but then Christian tapped against his wedding ring.

"Yes," Steve replied almost tonelessly, "I am."

Christian nodded against his neck while playing with the ring. Kissing the spot just below Steve's hairline, he cleared his throat.

Steve instantly tensed; he knew that sound and what it meant.

Christian barely talked about his feelings, which had proven quite a problem back in the days and had caused many fights between them. Normally he only admitted what went on inside that heart of his when he was drunk, very exhausted, or - which should be strange - on stage: it then spilled out of him unfiltered and raw.

It was rare, and it had always been one of Steve's favourite moments - when Christian opened up, letting him see what was beyond that hard shell of his.

But right now, he feared what the man wanted to say.

Christian nuzzled into his hair, his stubble scratching over Steve's shoulder. He didn't say anything but Steve knew he was still sorting out what he wanted to say.

"I love you,” Christian eventually whispered, "always have and probably always will. I know it won't change anything. Just wanted to let you know. No matter how fucked up I behaved, I've always loved you. I would've done anything for you."

Steve blinked rapidly, curling his hand around Christian's.

"I know," he replied, "God, Chris, I know."

"What are we doing now?"

Steve rolled over, took in the sleep-mussed curls, the open and vulnerable expression on his face, and shrugged.

"I have no fucking clue."

Christian quirked a brief sarcastic smile.

"That's two of us then."

Steve snorted, smiled and leaned over, kissing Christian, sighing wistfully as he wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer.

"Can I see you again?" Christian asked between kisses, "When we're back home, I mean?"

Steve pulled back, frowning.

"I'm not sure that'd be clever."

"Have I ever struck you as the clever type?"

Steve chuckled despite himself.

"No, you've always been a bit stupid."

Christian bit him in the lip.

"Hey!"

Steve grinned, slipping his thigh between Christian's, pressing up against his groin.

Christian inhaled sharply, his cock twitching as Steve claimed his lips in a deep kiss that left them both breathless.

"Stupid but very good looking," Steve purred.

Instead of an answer Christian kissed him again, slowly rolling them over until he came to lie on top of him, peering down at Steve with darkening eyes and a dangerous smile.

"Good looking, huh?"

Steve nodded weakly, his mouth going dry at the look on Christian's face.

"Only that?"

He leaned down, trailing his tongue over Steve's neck and down his chest, stopping short of his nipples.

Steve whimpered.

He tried to say something but words failed him as Christian - impatient as he was - shook his head and sucked one nipple in his mouth, scraping his teeth over it.

Steve's fingers flew up, digging into Christian's shoulders and he arched into the wet heat of his mouth.

"Sexy," Steve managed to say which got him another bite, immediately soothed by soft licks.

"Hmm, keep going," Christian muttered between kisses, his fingers sliding to the other nipple, gently worrying it.

It drove Steve crazy, and it took Christian only a few more moments until Steve was trashing on the bed, whining and making not so subtle motions with his hips against Christian's leg.

"Easy there," he murmured, pressing down on Steve with his full weight.

He waited until Steve willed himself to lie still; he knew Christian wouldn't move until he did. So he forced himself to stop, eagerly awaiting the other man's next move.

Christian licked over his nipple on last time before he started to kiss an excruciatingly slow trail down Steve's body.

By the time he reached his aching erection he was swearing silently under his breath, the blood rushing so loudly in his ears that he stared stupidly at Christian, who apparently had said something.

"What?" he stuttered, his voice hoarse and foreign in his own ears.

"I said, turn over," Christian repeated, reaching for the discarded bottle of lube from the nightstand.

Steve's heart jumped and as he slowly rolled onto his front, all the hair on his body raised as Christian slid a hand down from his shoulder over his back down his thighs.

"I've always loved you like this," he murmured.

Steve heard him flip open the bottle and a violent shiver of anticipation shook his body.

"Helpless," Christian continued, shifting on the bed and running his hand over the inside of his thigh. He added some pressure and Steve spread them further, making Christian chuckle darkly.

"Needy."

Steve groaned loudly as he felt some of the cool lube drip over his ass, slowly running between his cheeks.

"Wanting."

Christian kept murmuring words but they soon faded into a senseless noise as Christian casually started caressing his ass, his fingers teasingly slipping further and further down.

Curling his hands into the pillow under his head, Steve pushed himself up a bit, giving Christian better access who made an appreciative sound.

As his fingertip slid over Steve's opening, tracing lazily around the tight muscle, he jumped a bit - it'd been a while.

Christian made a soothing noise, kissing his lower back, shuffling into a better position.

Steve felt warmth radiating from him in waves and he clung harder to his pillow, trembling heavily now.

"Close your eyes," Christian whispered and even though Steve couldn't see behind himself anyway, he obeyed.

Squeezing his lids shut, all his other senses heightened immediately.

He felt the slippery and cool touch of the bedding beneath his cheek, against his stomach and his knees.

He heard Christian's ragged breathing and his own pants, and far away the never-ending rush of the London traffic through the open window.

The taste of Christian, bitter and sweet, still lingered on his tongue and as he licked his lip he thought he could taste himself.

And as he inhaled deeply he could smell the faint hint of his and Christian's aftershave, mixing into one intoxicating perfume.

Besides that, nothing.

Christian wasn't moving anymore even though Steve could still feel him between his legs, a looming presence in his back.

He was sure he was watching him, that greedy expression on his face that turned his eyes into blue slits, made his nostrils flare and his mouth smile absently.

"Chris," Steve pleaded after a while, barely able to stay still.

"Hush," Christian rumbled so lowly that Steve rather felt than actually heard the word.

He lowered a heavy hand on Steve's back and rested it there for a moment. Then his other hand slid over Steve's hip, pulling gently but Steve understood.

Biting his lip he scrambled into a kneeling position, his face heating up at the shameless position, baring himself like this to the other man.

"Gorgeous," he heard, and then he squeaked surprised as Christian's nimble fingers spread him, exposing him even more.

Everything became a bit blurry after that because suddenly there was Christian's mouth, pressing kisses all over his most intimate part, causing Steve to stop breathing for a second.

They had never done this, it just wasn't something they had wanted to explore and Steve had been fine with that.

If he had known how utterly incredible it felt, he would have insisted on doing nothing else.

The feeling of Christian's lips on him, the way he kissed and licked was leaving him in a heaving, mindless mess.

He clung to the pillow, wiggling helplessly under Christian's onslaught, and as the man gently pressed a finger into him, Steve muffled a scream into the feathery depth of the pillow. It's been a while but by God it felt fantastic: the burn, the stretch, the intrusion.

Christian was careful, Steve noticed that but he was also determined and for a while Steve just lost himself in the strange feeling of being worked open.

By the time he was coherent enough again, Christian was fumbling with a condom, grunting curses into the thick air.

Eventually he managed to roll it on, sighing relived as he stroked himself a few times.

Then he moved forward, leaning over Steve, his skin hot and sweaty against Steve's back, and kissed his shoulder.

"Okay?" he asked quietly, one hand slipping between Steve's legs from behind, curling too carefully around his aching erection.

Steve made a guttural noise; he wasn't capable of proper words anymore, and Christian chuckled, nipping at his neck.

Without another word he let go of Steve, pulling back again.

"Breathe for me, darlin," he whispered and the second Steve inhaled shakily, Christian pushed inside him.

Steve cried out, part pleasure, part pain, pressing his face deep into his pillow.

The sound rung in his ears but couldn't drown out the pure ecstasy he heard in Christian's voice as he bottomed out, his hands digging deep into Steve's sides, holding him in position.

"So fucking tight," Christian mumbled hoarsely, "forgotten how tight you are."

Instead of an answer Steve clenched his muscles and Christian's breath caught and he collapsed onto Steve's back, his teeth sinking into the soft flesh at the crook of his neck.

"Fuck," he growled, "you're killing me, stop it."

Steve's vision was whitening out, Christian's teasing had brought him to the brink of orgasm already and he knew the second he touched him properly, it'd be over.

Yet he did it again, clamping around Christian's thickness inside him, feeling him throbbing through every nerve of his own body.

Christian bit him harder and it shot a jolt of pure pleasure through Steve.

"Stop it, I said."

Christian's voice had lowered to a rough growl, and despite his desperation to come, Steve snickered.

"Make me," he rasped, pushing his ass back against Christian.

The motion made Christian instinctively thrust deeper and his cock brushed over Steve's prostate. He yelled out, his knees buckling and only sheer willpower kept him from breaking down onto the mattress.

Christian's hands were suddenly around his belly, holding on for dear life as he started pushing into Steve, hard and relentless. His forehead was pressed against Steve's shoulder blade, his breath coming in short hectic puffs, hot against his skin.

Within seconds Steve's mind went blank, replaced by an overwhelming carnal desire. His entire being was reduced to the push and pull of the other man inside him, thrusting into him so hard he saw stars.

Loud noises were filling the room, erasing everything else. Faintly Steve was aware of Christian's iron grip on him and that it most likely would be leaving bruises.

He didn't care - nothing mattered but Christian's cock pounding into him, solid and almost painful.

He became aware of the sounds he made, useless and incoherent babbling, urging Christian on.

His orgasm was rapidly approaching, his cock bobbing heavily against his stomach, leaking pre-come all over the sheets.

He tried to get one hand on himself but Christian had abandoned all care, was pushing into him so frantically that Steve needed all his remaining strength to not get shoved into the headboard.

"Chris," he pleaded tonelessly, but the other man didn't hear him anymore.

Steve desperately held on, lowering himself in hopes the friction against the mattress would give him some relief. The slight change in his position also changed the angle of Christian's ferocious thrusts, pounding against Steve's prostate every single time.

And it took only a few more seconds and Steve came, muffling his helpless cries as he spilled his release all over the sheets.

He didn't have control over his body anymore, his muscles contracting around Christian's cock, and he yelled, burying his face in Steve's neck. He thrust weakly a few more times and then stilled, his heavy weight pressing Steve deeper into the mattress.

Both were gasping for air, which was difficult for Steve with Christian's boneless body on him. He lifted his head, panting like a fish on land and Christian understood, rolling off him and heavily falling next to him, his chest heaving.

Apart from that, it was quiet, in the room and in Steve's head - every single thought was wiped from mind, his body still buzzing in the afterglow of his orgasm.

Slowly things came back into focus and he absently wondered when he ever came untouched like this.

"Never," he murmured to himself.

Beside him Christian shifted, discarding the condom and flopped back, swiping the hair out of his face.

"What'cha say?" he drawled, his accent flowing from his lips like honey.

It made Steve's heart swell with affection and he rolled over to kiss him deeply.

Christian hummed softly, returning it with vigour. Slowly it transformed from the heated hunger to a sated sensuality until they were only breathing against each other's mouth, arms around each other, their hearts beating in sync.

Steve blinked his eyes open, smiling involuntarily at Christian's happily dazed expression.

"Hey," he murmured, caressing the other man's cheek.

Christian only smiled wider, a serenity in his eyes that made Steve's heart stutter.

"I love you too," Steve whispered into another kiss, "always."

Christian's arms around him tightened as he nodded wordlessly. They continued trading sleepy kisses, neither of them wanting to acknowledge the fact that the room was getting brighter and brighter.

The sun was coming up. Their night together - their only night - was over.

But if they ignored it and kept kissing, perhaps it wasn't happening. They could just stay here, lost in each other's arms.

Sadly that never worked and after a while Steve pulled back with a regretful sigh. He had always been the more levelheaded of them both.

"Chris," he muttered, trying to stop Christian's hand roaming his body again.

"No," was the husky answer.

Christian grabbed his ass, making Steve moan, and pulled him back in his arms.

"You have to stop," Steve tried again, managing to push a hand between their bodies, pressing against the other man.

"No."

Another kiss, another soft groan that weakened Steve's resistance.

He lost himself in it, relishing it with everything he had but his consciousness was already kicking in again.

Pulling himself together as best as he could he pushed Christian away, steeling himself for the look of stubbornness he knew would be on his face.

What he saw was even worse.

Hopelessness and such sadness it broke his heart.

"Fuck," he hissed, caressing Christian's cheek gently.

Wordlessly they stared at each other, memorizing every single line, every crinkle and every freckle on the other man's face.

"It's better this way," Steve eventually croaked, letting go of Christian and sat up, "you know it is."

He sounded terrible, he knew that, his voice was weak and lacked any kind of belief in his own words.

Christian watched him closely, his stormy eyes flicking quickly over his face and Steve was almost sure he would call him out on his lie.

But to his surprise he nodded slowly.

He sat up as well and swung his legs out of bed, turning his back to Steve.

"You're right," he said, a grave tone in his voice, "we've tried that already and it didn't work."

He stood and started to collect his clothes, slowly getting dressed while Steve watched him.

Christian also picked up Steve's clothes and put them on the end of the bed.

"This was-" he stopped, visible searching for words, "-good," he quirked a sarcastic smile at Steve who immediately saw the pain in it, "and I'm glad we did this. One night."

He stopped and sat on the end of the bed, exhaling loudly.

Silently Steve stood and got dressed quickly before he sat next to him, carefully leaving some space between them.

"See it as-"

"-closure," Christian lamely finished the sentence for him, glancing through his lashes at him.

With a hollow feeling in his stomach Steve nodded.

"Yes, closure."

And that's what this was, always had been from the second they had meet in that busy lobby a few days ago.

Reminiscing was fine, walking down memory lane was a wonderful thing and wanting to relieve the good times was always worth it.

But they both evolved and had gone their separate ways: they were different now, with new responsibilities in their life, towards themselves and their respective others.

Their love for each other would never fade but sometimes you have to let of the one you love the most, let them live their own life. Even when it hurt.

Christian looked up, catching Steve's gaze and smiled softly.

And suddenly Steve wanted to remember him like this: the golden morning light on his handsome face, the deep lines softened and smoothed, his dark hair a mess and his blue eyes shining with something Steve didn't want to think about too much.

He reached out, laying a hand on Christian's thigh.

"Take care of yourself, man. If not for yourself then for-" he wanted to say 'me' but didn't dare.

"-for Sofia," he said, swallowing hard at the gentle glow appearing at the mention of her name.

"I will," Christian replied, raising his hand and pushed a strand of Steve's hair out of his face, "and you do the same. For... Lana."

Steve heard the tiny pause ahead of his wife's name and smiled instantly.

"Well then," Christian said roughly, clearing his throat, standing up, "I think I have a flight to catch."

Steve pulled himself together and stood as well.

"Yeah, me too."

He pushed his hair back and tied it up. Squaring his shoulders he walked to the window to open the blinds, blinking into the bright sunlight already streaming into the window.

The tiny exhale behind him shot a sharp and painful shock through his veins.

"I'm terrible at good-byes," he said quietly, his back still to the room, his eyes in the clear blue sky outside the window.

Christian laughed softly, a warm low rumble.

"I know."

Steve heard his footsteps, then felt the fleeting touch of a hand on his elbow.

"Safe flight home," Christian murmured, brushing the hint of a kiss on the base of his neck, making Steve squeeze his eyes shut.

"You too," he mumbled, forcing himself to not turn around.

Seconds later he heard shuffling and then the soft click of the door opening.

The sound of it falling shut echoed loudly and finitely through the room.

***

Christian dug through his jacket for his boarding pass as he saw him, walking through the busy terminal of the airport, head high, hair in a messy bun, guitar case on his back, bag in hand.

He watched as he put it down, patting over the pockets of his ruddy jacket.

His face was in profile but Christian still saw him smile as he pulled out the ticket, showing it to the security person.

Taking up his stuff again he shook his head, trying to get a loose strand out of his face, turning just enough into Christian's direction.

Their eyes met.

And the world stopped for one long moment as they looked at each other, still and attentive - one last time.

It spanned the distance between four gates, shrank everything down to two pairs of blue eyes. Christian's heart fluttered before it started beating normally again.

A quiet tranquility enveloped him like a warm blanket, and for the first time in his life he felt entirely at peace with himself.

He raised a hand in a brief wave, and Steve mirrored the gesture, a beautiful little smile tugging at his lips.

Christian felt the same smile dancing over his own face.

Steve nodded at him, and Christian could almost hear his voice, quietly scowling him for being such a sap.

He chuckled to himself, hoisted his bag up and handed his ticket to security.

Neither of them looked back as they walked through their respective gates.

 


End file.
